Many Kids’ blog

Jordyn was placed in an open bassinet this morning. But she proved to us all that she just isn't ready for the transition.
She began having Brady spells where her heartrate would drop below 100 bpm and she wasn't able to maintain her temperature above 36.3. So she's back on an incubator. I guess we will try get again in 24-48 hours because as she gains more weight, she should be able to maintain her temp better. She now weighs 1735g - only 5 grams away from her birth weight.
I'm not as bummed this time as I was last time. This time I had a nurse who took time to explain everything to me without making me feel as though jordyns setbacks are somehow my fault.
I am just so ready to take my baby home...I tried to explain to Jason that I just had a baby. And it feels so lonely not having her within an arms reach...

By the sounds of it, Jordyn should be coming home in just a few days! She's been Brady free for over 24 hours. She's in an open cot now. She needs to be in it for 24 hours before she's 'clear'. And her next hurdle is passing her car seat test. This is when they put her in a car seat for 90 minutes and a "pass" is when she has no spells while in it. I'm pushing for Tuesday, but I know it could be longer. But right now she's just being monitored for growth!

As of last night, she was only a half ounce from her birth weight!

Grow baby grow!!

So since my last post, things have both gotten better and worse.
Jordyn IS back in an incubator. And she still has the NG tube. But, she hasn't needed the tube for feeding and she's taking everything by mouth. The incubator should be gone by this weekend. She is starting to gain weight - now 3'11 (I put her birth weight on here wrong, she wasn't 3'8, she was 3.8 pounds which is equal to 3'13) and she is 17.5" long. The earliest she can come home is Tuesday - at 35 weeks gestation - and that is if she meets all of her goals. She is getting stronger and stronger everyday. Last night I watched in amazement as she (while on her tummy) pushed with her feet and lifted her belly off the matress. And then she lifted her head off the matress and turned it! Such a strong and determined little girl!
Now the worse...
I DO have an infection. When I saw my dr on Wednesday I was prescibed antibiotics and scheduled for an ultrasound today. Well my u/s didn't go as I had hoped. I have an absess in my uterus. I was just readmitted to the hospital in the day surgery unit to have it drained. This would completly explain the horrible pain I've been in for the past 10 days. But at least it's being taken care of now and hopefully by tonight or tomorrow the pain - and oozing - should start to go away.

After a wonderful day yesterday, with Jordyn being "promoted" to a simple grower, today was awful.

I'll be the first to admit that I look like shit. Its been just about 3 weeks since I have had a block of sleep longer than 4 hours; and for the past week I've been catching 20-90 minute naps. But I'm getting sick of people telling me that I look tired, exhausted, run down, like shit.
Last night I came home at 4:30 and was up at 5:30 when jay went to work. I got the kids ready for school and sent the big ones on their way. Alix wore dirty jeans today, it was all I could find, so I decided to complete her "neglected child" look by not doing her hair. My sister came over with her 4 boys (ages 1-6) to watch Jenna for me so that I could go and pick my grandma up, take alix to school and then head to the hospital. I had called the nurse at 7:30 and told her that I would be there for jordyns feed but I would be there as close to 9am as possible. With all that done I managed to make it to the hospital by 9am. But I spent another 15 minutes searching for a parking spot.
I walked into the unit and the nurse, one I didn't know, started to hive me crap about how important feeding a baby is. How Jordyn is too small to be out of the incubator (her temp was a bit low but not overly so). She said that Jordyn looked too tired to be on a semi-demand feeding schedule and that she would need the NG tube put back in. All of this and I hadn't even sat down yet. So ofcourse now I'm feeling like shit even more. And all of this is coming from a woman who has met my daughter only 2 hours prior?!
On the way to the hospital I had decided that I wasn't going to try to nurse Jordyn this feeding - my breasts were too sore/engorged and I wanted my grandma to feed so that I could find relief at the pump. The nurse vetoed that: my grandma doesn't know how to feed the baby. Her actual words. So mow both my grandma and I are feeling uncomfortable. Oh, and I was told that Jordyn wouldn't be coming home anytime soon.
Well I fed Jordyn the bottle and then pumped 12 ounces whole my grandma held her. Ofcourse jordyns hearteate had to dip into the 50's, her O2 into the 70's and her respirations into the teens. Well the nurse took Jordyn away from my grandma and gave her to me. Now my grandma can't hold the baby? By this point the tears are at the rims if my eyes...but I'm not going to cry.
I take my grandma home at 11am and then turn around to come back for jordyns noon feeding. Well if I thought that the nurse was mean/harsh earlier I was in no way prepared for who I got when I returned. Immediantly she began to hover as I was trying to prepare to nurse. She kept commenting that Jordyn looked tired and if SHE thought she needed it an NG tune would be put in. Then she started to comment on how many other kids I have and how I should be spending more time with them. But in the next breath I was told that I shouldn't be missing any of jordyns feedings. Like FUCK. I dint have enough stress. I mean I haven't been to a volleyball game of carlys. Cory is skipping school. Alix read in front of the entire school and I missed it. And Jenna is being shipped to whoever will take care of her. And I'm doing my best to care for Jordyn. Well this time I started crying. Hard. Which ofcourse affected my let-down response. So after 15 minutes Jordyn was still just sucking but not eating. The nurse took that as her cue to remind me that Jordyn is too little to be taking all feeds by mouth. And then as I was changing Jordyn she kept hovering and commenting on how I was doing it. After changing Jordyn I switched her sides and the nurse came to watch Jordyn suck. And then apologized to me that she was being hard - that she only wanted was best for baby. And I don't?! So she kept pushing the tube. And pushing. And making me feel like the worst mother each time I declined. Finally I got up and said the only thing I had said to her the entire day (yes when she was critisizing me it was a one-way conversation on her part). I said "do whatever you want" and I put the baby down and walked out and cried. Sobbed. In the bathroom for 30 minutes. I came out to return to jordyns room to grab my bag.

She already had the NG tube in.

It was 12:30 when I left. I had paid for parking until 2. So I sat in my van and bawled until I fell asleep. I woke up at 3 and ended up being late to pick alix up from school.
And to top it off. I'm pretty damn sure that my uterus is infected. I'm in so much pain. My belly, from incision down, is numb. Plus it is swollen - it looks as though there is a softball in there. And now I've got pus coming out of it...and out of ME.
Now I'm sitting at the hospital, in my van, wondering what the point is if me going in. It's not as though I gave any control or a say in what happens with my daughter. And apparently if I did have a say, I would be doing it all wrong.

I didn't post the link like I said I was going to!!